Don't Stop Me From Touching Myself
by starfreckled
Summary: Serious knocks on the head can lead to...serious delusions. And perhaps singing. Implied SasuNaru, crack, humour, Team 7-ness.


It started as a perfectly normal day.

As normal as days got in Konoha.

Which, with someone like Naruto running around all day and teaching Konohamaru 'new and improved' tricks, wasn't very normal.

However, it was even more unusual for a certain dark haired missing-nin to return.

Naruto hadn't noticed – he was busy chucking rocks at a loudly cawing bird outside of the academy. Iruka had asked him to chase the thing away so it would stop disturbing his class, but that was proving to be a rather difficult mission. He'd used up all the small, small-medium and medium sized rocks at his feet, so he spun on his feet looking for something else.

And then he saw it. It was big. It was chunky. It looked heavy – And it was, Naruto confirmed when he picked it up. He was holding it at arm's length off of the floor, his legs crouched and walking awkwardly back to the tree. He'd have to use some chakra to fling that rock high and far enough.

He took a deep breath. "READY!" He lifted his arms, concentrating chakra in the muscles of his arms as he pulled them back and threw. As hard as he could.

He couldn't have imagined that he'd send so far that it would reach the gate. His eyes widened and he watched it go and disappear behind the buildings. There was an odd sound, like a thunk followed by a soft, girly whimper.

Which his ears had instantly recognized. After years of chasing after someone, you end up knowing every part of them. Their voice, the length of their eyelashes, the precise tone of pink of their blush, and their favorite hair products.

Yep, it was completely normal.

"SASUKE!"

He propelled himself forwards, almost following the same path as the rock he'd just thrown, but with more jumping off of roofs and tree branches.

Naruto landed, crouched near Sasuke's body. He was lying on the ground, spread-eagled, Naruto's big rock not far from his head.

"Oops," he said. "Did I kill him?" He asked the two that he could never remember the name of but that were always sitting there just watching the gate. They glanced at each other, eyebrows raised, before turning back to Naruto and shrugging.

Naruto tentatively poked Sasuke.

And jumped a few feet back.

Sasuke had, as fast as the blink of an eye, gotten on his feet, swayed, opened his mouth and…started singing.

"I close my eyes and see you before me, think I would die if you were to ignore me," he sang. Loudly. And clearly. Naruto took another step back.

_What the fuck?!_

Sasuke was taking one step after the other towards Naruto. Looking at him like…Naruto didn't want to compare that with anything. It was creepy enough as it was.

"A fool could see just how much I adore you, I get down on my knees I do anything for you," he continued, before twirling and getting on his knees in front of Naruto.

By now, Naruto was mostly flipping out over the fact that he was probably blushing madly. He opened his mouth to ask Sasuke WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, but the words were taken out of his lips.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, the relief clear in his voice. But then his jaw dropped, because Sasuke hadn't stopped. And now, he was basically…dancing a little too close to him, let's say.

"I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself!"

Naruto yelped, shoving Sasuke away. This was weird! Too weird! Plus, he had tomato breath. That rock he'd thrown must've hit him hard on the head.

He turned to explain to Sakura, his foot planted on Sasuke's chest and keeping him away, while Sasuke's arms kept reaching for him and he went on singing.

But before he could say anything, he felt an impact to his jaw, the world flipped over a couple of times, and he landed face first in the the ground.

_Ow._

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, IDIOT?!" She grabbed Naruto by the collar, shaking him. He wasn't responding. She slapped him again, hard. "I saw you throw that rock, do you have any idea how dangerous that could be – IS," she corrected after a glance at Sasuke, who was swaying around and moving his hips. Or…girating, but using that word in the same sentence as 'Sasuke' was off. She shook her head.

Naruto mumbled something and she narrowed her eyes. "What did you say?" She brought him closer, leaning in to hear him properly.

"…Lady Godiva…"

Who the hell was she? Did Naruto know other girls she didn't know abou – not that she cared. Of course not. She wasn't jealous. Why would she be jealous?

But she slapped him again, for good measure. And he finally snapped out of it to wrap an arm around Sakura's waist, lifting her off the ground and spinning on his feet, his own song coming out of his mouth.

"Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time!"

Sakura was so shocked, she just stiffened in Naruto's arm as he spun them around.

She vaguely noticed Sasuke seeing them, looking appalled, and moving to a corner to sit down curled up on himself. He started rocking back and forth slightly, but she didn't have time to ask herself anything, because Naruto spun her towards him, then extended his arm, spinning her back.

"I'm having a ball, don't stop me now, if you wanna have a good time just give me a call!"

She snorted, rolling her eyes, but there was a smile on her fa – No, dammit. She glared, shoving Naruto away, but then he grabbed her and lifted her above his head.

And she slipped from his grip.

And fell on her head.

_Shit_, she thought. _I'm going to start singing too._

Naruto was still jumping around, grabbing one of his kunai to use as a pretend microphone, or randomly doing air guitar.

"I'm trav'ling at the speed of light, I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you!" He kept singing, pointing at Sakura curled up on the ground before jumping away near Sasuke. Who still looked like he was in some type of withdrawal, staring wide eyed into space and rocking back and forth. There was a small trickled of blood running down the side of his face.

Naruto's song changed when he neared Sasuke, like a disc skipping in the middle of a track.

"All day, staring at the ceiling…making friends with shadows on my wall."

"IF YOU WERE GAY! THAT'D BE OKAY! I MEAN CAUSE HEEEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY!"

"All night, hearing voices telling me…that I should get some sleep."

None of them noticed Sakura slowly getting up, her head hung low.

"IF YOU WERE QUEER, I'D STILL BE HERE," Naruto answered, as if Sasuke and him were actually singing the duet.

"I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell."

Naruto kicked Sasuke in the shins. Apparently, even with a concussion and in song, he still thought Sasuke was an idiot.

Sakura was standing in the middle of the entrance of the village. She took a deep breath, her eyes closing, before bursting into song.

"The path that I'm walking, I must go alone…I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown. Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?"

Kotetsu and Izumo stared at the trio, each singing their different song. Sasuke had started rubbing up against Naruto again, who was screeching about Sasuke being dear to him despite being gay, and Sakura was ignoring them both, singing about big girls who don't cry.

They looked at each other, raised their eyebrows, looked back at the trio and shrugged.

--  
For reference:  
**Sasuke's songs;** Unwell, Matchbox 20 I touch Myself, Divinyls  
**Naruto's songs;** Don't Stop Me now, Queen If you Were Gay, Avenue Q  
**Sakura's song;** Big Girls Don't Cry, Fergie


End file.
